Olivia returned to her cpap today. She made it almost 36 hours, but it became quite clear last night and then this morning that she was not ready. In short, she's just not strong enough yet to keep her lungs open herself. While I was doing her temperature and diaper this morning, her oxygen level dropped and she had a few bradies. After being examined by the nurse, then the resident, then the fellow, and eventually the attending, the inevitable decision was made to return her to her cpap. She looked rather uncomfortable this morning on her cannula; she immediately returned to high 90s level oxygen saturation after she returned to her cpap.
The attending reminded us that taking Olivia off cpap was a trial, and that she was not surprised that she had trouble. The miracle of the cpap is that it keeps little Olivia's lungs open for her so she can do the breathing but it is not as hard. For a description of how the cpap works, see the February 5 entry. We are told she will need to stay on it for roughly on another week so she can get bigger and strong enough to hold those little lungs open herself.
After the glee of seeing her off her cpap yesterday, this was rather hard news to take today. Sadly, mom never actually got that chance to take a good look at Olivia's face (though happily, she did get to enjoy holding both of the kids at once yesterday). It was also just a rather stressful event when Olivia had her troubles this morning. The buzzers and alarms are unquestionably my least favorite part of the nicu; they somehow envelope all the stress of the entire experience and then have a way of banging on your head and soul all at the same time. Then there's watching the doctors and nurses fuss over your daughter. And, of course, there's the fears of the future rearing their ugly head. We are tempted to be afraid that this is a set-back, that it will push back their estimated time home.
Olivia will be fine. This is not a sign of any long term trouble. In fact, off and on and off of cpap happens all the time. As we constantly need to be reminded, these are premature babies after all. Olivia may be six weeks old, but developmentally she is more like a baby in utero for 35 weeks, which means who can blame her for still trying to work out this whole breathing thing.
And, according to the attending, it is not even a step back; it is just what she needs. Olivia just needs to get stronger, and until she can, the miracle of modern science, and the cpap invented by the doctor who first admitted her, will make that possible. But best of all, time will continue to have its way with us, and that is really all little Olivia needs, a little more time. She will continue to get her full feeds. She will continue to plump up. And her little lungs and chest muscles will continue to get stronger. Soon enough, she will be ready to try again.
Not to be forgotten, Lucas had a good day, so our children's little leap frogging of each other in the past week continues. Thankfully, the diarrhetic used to alleviate the fluid in his lungs appears to be working, as he looked much more comfortable today on his cannula. He still is on pause with his feedings while he gets his strength back, but we are hopeful he will return to nursing tomorrow or Monday and then attempt again to wean from his cannula next week. He also continues to take his cute supplements, so that is good:
So, some may find this hard to believe, but I really do not believe in bad days or set-backs. Maybe 10 years ago I did, but I just don't anymore. To put it another way, "Nothing is either good or bad, thinking makes it so." While the last 8 weeks have been full of challenges, today is just another opportunity to embrace life as we have it and be grateful for our many gifts. For us today, that was the kind doctors and nurses, another opportunity to practice faith and patience, trips to Target, time together, naps, the fact that our pack-and-play fits perfectly in the living room, a wonderful dinner with amazing friends, and of course, the miraculous cpap.
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