Determination

Lucas has been trying his hand at the bottle for 3 1/2 weeks.  He started out strong.  Then had to take a step back because eating and coming off his cannula proved to be too much.  Until the beginning of this week, he had actually been instructed to stop bottle feeding while he regained his strength, enjoying instead practice nursing sessions with mom.  In the last few days, he graduated to stepped up nursing sessions, with mom only half pumping before giving him a go, and a few minutes with a bottle each shift.  Just like everything these days, he was getting better and better by the day.

Before today, Lucas's best performance with a bottle was 12 mLs, roughly 1/3 of a full feed for him right now.  He works real hard, but it is a lot to process for the little guy--breath, suck, swallow, repeat.  Today, he kicked it up a notch.    

In the first 10 minutes, he made it through his 10 mLs, but you could tell he was still working hard.  Wide-eyed, he wanted to get it, but was not quite sure what to do once he had a mouth full of milk.  Thankfully, with some really fantastic coaching from mom and the nurse, we decided to slowly keep him going.  And then, just like that, the look in his eyes changed.  He had this look of determination.  No more wide-eyed rookie.  Now, he was a wide-eyed man on a mission.  A couple sips at a time, Lucas was making his way through the bottle.  12 mLs.  15 mLs.  18 mLs.  20 mLs.  He would take the bottle, take a couple sucks, swallow, dab his chin, open his mouth for more.  It was the most impressive thing I have ever seen.  Almost heroic.  Good job buddy, you made it to 20 mLs.  Let's take a nap.

Apparently, Lucas was not done.  He looked up at dad, wide-eyed, as if to say, I got this.  Give me more.  So we did.  22 mLs.  25 mLs.  28 mLs!  He was really quite amazing.  We cut him off at 28, just 5 mLs short of taking the entire bottle all on his own.  Not sure what he would have done with the last 5, but after 30 minutes, and 8 weeks of experience in not pushing these little ones, we called it a wrap and gave him his last 5 mLs through his breathing tube.  Normally, Lucas would have been fast asleep by that point or fallen asleep immediately thereafter.  Instead, he proceeded to spend the next hour with his eyes open.  Looking up at dad.  Looking over at mom and sister.  It was almost as if he was basking in his success, as if he too was proud of himself and was too excited to sleep.  (Or maybe it was his full diaper.)

What a rush.  You go son.  You are a champion.

Olivia, too, continued her progress.  Now graduated to practice nursing, she is racing out of the gate just as we expected.  Though mom pumps to empty, at one point she caught Olivia with a mouth full of milk.  The little girl sucks so hard she made it happen.  As she has done since day one, our little girl sidestepped the rules and tried to go on her schedule.  But unlike her brother, she followed her feed with a good, deep sleep with mom.  Maybe she was basking in the love of her parents.  Or maybe she was basking in the love of her nurses, one of whom cut her cannula tape in the shape of a heart.

Olivia's cannula has now reached the lowest level of breathing support, level 1.  At rounds this morning, the attending said he is contemplating taking the cannula off completely.  After eight weeks of breathing support for these little champions, from intebation to cpap to cannula, maybe we will soon remember them fondly with this little, tape heart.

But, oh, there's one more thing.  After dinner tonight, mom's phone rang, the lovely 444 extension we have come to prefer not to hear from, especially after the sun's gone down.  Mom swallowed, Hi this is Marni.  Mrs. Allen, said the nurse on the other end, the babies are fine, don't worry--(Insert collective sigh)--I just called to tell you the babies have moved next door.  They are now in the step-down nicu.  They have their own private room.  I just wanted you to know so that you aren't surprised in the morning.      

One day at a time, with patient determination, the Allen twins continue their blessed journey.