Waiting

A big theme for us these past 85 days has been to take this experience one day at a time.  In a strange way, the current state of affairs with Olivia makes that both easier and harder.  In one sense, we never seem to know when she will be able to come home; thus, we have no choice but to try and ignore expectations and concentrate simply on what we can do today.  In another sense, we never seem to know when she will be able to come home; thus, we spend time perpetually worrying about when that beautiful day will come.

I am reminded of the thoughts that ran through my head the very first time I held Lucas.  The moment his fragile but cute little body was placed inside my gown for some kangaroo care, I lost the desire for the process to speed up.  It was the greatest moment of my life (matched only by the first time I held his sister), and I couldn't help but think that before I knew it these kids would be giving my crazy looks if I asked them if a hug from dad could make things better.  I know from the looks of too many, that these kids grow up pretty fast.  So, I honestly am not in much of a hurry for them to grow up.

Don't get me wrong, I want our little girl home from the hospital, and I would like that to happen as soon as possible.  But how can I be in a hurry for anything to happen when I get to spend my days with these beautiful eyes staring back at me:

If you can't get enough of them (like us), click here for a video of today's double-snuggling session with dad.  Same password as always (lucasandolivia).  

In case you were wondering by the last photo, no, dad has not start lactating.  Mr. Lucas wanted to share some of his lunch because he felt he had too much.  Though, dad did try an unconventional bottle technique later in the day when he felt that Lucas was upset to be getting the bottle and not the breast.  We think it worked.

As for Olivia's departure, she seems to be doing everything she can to get herself home.  The transfusion and a half seem to be working, and though reflux meds generally take a few days to take effect, maybe those are working as well because she continues to improve with her feeds.  They told us Saturday that if she put together 48 good hours, home on Monday was a possibility.  She seems to have done that.  If tomorrow is the day, we will have the new Allen family chariot waiting for her--our new car (or bus or living room on wheels) to which we upgraded yesterday:

 

We would obviously be ecstatic if our daughter finally came home tomorrow, but, while I wish I could say mom and dad are such spiritual gurus that we refrain from expectations, the truth is we are both just too exhausted at this point to wonder what tomorrow will bring.  Instead, either by necessity, habit, or strength from a higher power, we continue to live and enjoy today and wait in joyful hope for the opportunity of tomorrow.