Peanuts

1. (n) small, adorable babies

2. (n) beloved American comic strip

Our little peanuts are doing great today.  They both had good nursing sessions with Mom at 8 and 11 this morning, and the attending may consider allowing three nursing sessions daily tomorrow.  He also indicated that they might be doing more nursing than bottle feeds when they come home, which is great news.  Less pumping time and more baby bonding time for Mom.  They'll still have plenty of bottle feeds for bonding with Dad too :)  Hopefully they'll be practicing their bottle feeding skills with the nurse tonight.  Lucas had an episode of tachypnea (fast breathing) last night, from some fluid retention in his lungs, likely a result of all the extra milk he'd been getting from nursing before they reduced his ng (tube) feeds to compensate.  He got a dose of medication that should help clear that up and he was definitely improving throughout the day while we were there.  Weight was stable today but I continue to marvel at how big they both look.  I caught a glimpse of Lucas's legs this morning and realized they actually look a little pudgy, compared with when the babies were born and their limbs were so spindly.  Baby fat is just so darn cute, especially when your kids started out life without much of any.

Questions and guidelines about life at home are starting to emerge on a fairly regular basis during rounds now, which is pretty awesome.  We've got a running list for our final family meeting next week, but I really enjoy that these topics are now timely ones to discuss.  That said, I've been feeling a little like Charlie Brown when Lucy keeps taking away the football.  It's partly my own fault, and partly just the reality of life in the NICU.  On the one hand, the doctors are definitely much more willing to talk with us about things that indicate we're close to departure.  On the other hand, as we get more information, I feel as though our actual departure date keeps sliding back a day or two.  Of course, since the doctor never gave us a departure date before, just a ballpark - and only because we kept asking - there wasn't really an initial date to slide back from.  But nevertheless, as parents we try to pick up on the clues they lay for us, and we're finally getting enough specific information to start narrowing the range of dates circled on the calendar.  

Today's clues are that Lucas will get his hernia operation on either Tuesday or Thursday next week, after which time he'll need a couple days to recuperate, then 48 hours for trend monitoring (of his breathing patterns). And at some point before going home, maybe after all that, Mom and Dad will get to room in - stay at the hospital with the babies for 12 hours overnight not in the NICU.  By our rough math, that means our earliest departure date is next Sunday, with the start of that week probably more likely.  The current assumption and hope is that the babies will go home together, and that Olivia will use Lucas's surgery recuperation days to get caught up with him.  Whether or not that happens we won't know for sure until next week.  

Somehow, all of that seems like it will take forever and happen really fast.  I am so eager for the babies to come home, to be able to see them all day every day, and not to have to depend on anyone else (besides their wonderful Dad and other lovely family members who have offered to learn on the fly about caring for twins) to care for them.  In all honesty, I'm also totally scared for those things to happen.  Partly it's concern about their health, but I know that the doctors would never send them home unless they are completely confident that they're ready to thrive.  Mostly I think it's normal new parent fears - I am really ready to care for two small, helpless beings, how will I know what to do?  I realize that we're actually a lot more prepared than many new parents, in that we've spent two months changing diapers, learning our babies' stress signals, and most recently helping them learn to eat.  But there are still a million things I don't know - how do I get the infant insert into the Ergo, how will we establish a nighttime routine, will I really be able to nurse both babies at once, what in the world will I do when Jonathan goes back to work and all my family goes home?  

Actually, as I wrote that list I realized that a lot of my concerns are far off in the future, and the other ones probably have dozens of correct answers (except for learning to use the Ergo, and the speech therapist has already offered to help me with that, since she used it with her daughter).  I guess the key, as it has been all along, is to stay focused on today.  That's getting harder to do as the homecoming day gets closer, but it's more important now than ever.  

Today I got to nurse both my babies twice.  They did great and I loved it.